How to Talk to Your Kids About Death

In the days that followed Todd’s passing, my kids spoke of death openly, almost shockingly. They didn’t understand social taboos and the topic of death saturated almost every conversation.

As we planned to see some friends for the first time, it hit me like a ton of bricks that how my kids were talking about their father’s death might be startling and scary for other children. I realized it was a topic that could begin to alienate them from their friends. As parents, we try to keep our children safe from the horrific realities of our world by limiting exposure to violent video games, movies and news but what happens when death touches our lives in a way we can no longer shield them from?

I remember telling my friends that it was ok if our life was too heavy or too scary for their children. I couldn’t bear the thought of our life bringing about the realization that sometimes Mommies and Daddies die far too early.

Thankfully, I have friends who stepped up to the challenge, who rallied around us and who talked to their children gently about what was happening for us. I still tear up when I think about the surprise birthday party my friends threw last minute for Beckett, who turned 7 just days after losing his Dad. Sadly, this isn’t always the case. Over the last year, as I’ve entered into the world of widow support groups, I’ve seen firsthand how many widows and widowers are abandoned by friends and family who don’t know what to say or do. I read a post recently from someone who said, “You can’t catch it. You can’t catch widowhood like it’s a disease.”

It’s hard to talk to our children about death, about the horrific things that happen in our world every single day. It’s hard to watch them lose their innocence and grapple with fear and anxiety over things they can’t control. But kids can also be cruel, and I’ve seen many parents talk about the mistreatment their children are receiving after the death of a parent. I worry every day about what my kids are hearing or dealing with in their schools in environments I can’t control.

Compassion often begins at home, through what we model to our children. Most importantly, as adults, we need to get…

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