Humiliation

This is what Happened When I Heard My Husband Was Leaving Me Through Friends

I knew the marriage was in trouble, but I didn’t know he was leaving.

The day I found out definitively that my husband was going to separate is one of my most humiliating experiences.

Joe and Lisa had been vacationing with our family at the lake every summer since 2002. They were really my husband’s friends, and we all put up with each other for about 5 days per summer.

After having an open marriage as a last ditch effort for a few months, we found it was not very helpful. Or at least I did.

In the summer of 2015, I was on the deck overlooking the lake when Joe and Lisa arrived. My husband was on the side of the house. They said hello to him first.

Joe turned the corner and approached me as if he was going to tell me a secret. He extended his hand, bent down to give me a kiss, and said, “Hey, Vic, I’m really sorry you and Dirk are separating.”

I was absolutely flummoxed. I asked him what he meant in an extremely awkward conversation. He turned bright red as if he suddenly realized maybe he shouldn’t have said anything.

It wasn’t long before he understood this was news to me. We were both terribly embarrassed. I wasn’t sure what to do because I felt betrayed that my husband would tell Joe this news before he told me.

I ultimately decided to take the direct approach without regard for the fear of making an awkward scene in front of our guests. I told Joe I had to talk to Dirk, and turned and walked around the corner.

There he was. Sitting in a lounge chair smoking a cigar. Cool as a cucumber.

I went straight for him. “You told Joe we were separating?”

“Well, we talked about it.” he said.

I think we may have talked about killing each other, too, but I didn’t go around telling people that.

“Were you going to tell me about this?”

“Eventually.”

I was angry. I told him I was humiliated.

He said maybe he shouldn’t have told Joe anything. He said he was sorry. This was a situation…

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