I Recorded Myself Masturbating For My Eyes Only

The ultimate form of sexual self discovery.

Have you ever wondered what your “O” face looks like? You know, the way your face and body act when you’re climaxing? I’ve been curious about it for the longest time. I’ve asked partners, thinking that maybe it looked weird or distracting. Each of them soothed my anxiety by telling me it was “pretty,” “hot,” or “sexy.” But no one described it to me in detail.

I wanted to know everything about it, about how my whole body looked when I rode the orgasm rollercoaster up and down the rails. But truthfully, it’s not as if it would exactly be easy for my partners to tell me what I look like when I’m about to cum. They are usually preoccupied.

At first, it was something I wanted to do with a partner. I talked about it a few times with my ex, D. He always said he wanted to do it, and we would make plans. Yet after charging the GoPro and setting everything up, I would always chicken out. My body hasn’t exactly been in the best shape ( thank you 2020 ), and I kept telling myself that if I was going to do this, if I was really going to all Paris Hilton / Kim Kardashian and make a sex tape I wanted to look good.

So we put it off, once, twice, and even a third time. After the third time, letting my shyness get the best of me, I stopped asking him if we could do it. I didn’t feel like I was ever going to have the courage to strip down to nothing and get dirty on film.

This was so much more than taking a hand mirror with you into the bathroom to see what your lady bits looked like, but still, I wanted to know how I looked during sex.

The big hang-up for me was that D would want to watch it back with me. The thought process holding me back wasn’t a logical one, but for some reason, I thought him seeing me naked in a video would change the way he felt about me, which makes no sense at all because he already saw me naked a hundred times, in person.

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