Closet

In the depths of the darkness I can feel myself drowning.

It feels like I’m underwater and I have no idea how to reach the surface.

Deep down I know the truth. It’s something that I feel like I can’t say. It feels foreign to my mouth. It feels like I’m an impostor.

It’s like there’s a bounder pushed down on my chest dragging me into a whirlpool of shame.
Why can’t I just say it?
Nearly everyone knows by this point?

I always heard stories from my friends that the moment they let the light shine out they were able to be the best versions of themselves.

What if I am lying to myself?
What if this isn’t real?

That’s impossible, I’ve had these feelings since middle school.

Is this the reason I’ve been depressed? Anxious?
Because I know that if I share these feelings I’ll be disowned, unloved, forgotten?

In this darkness, I peak through the door to see what my life could look like if I allowed myself to be honest with who I was.

Maybe I’m not ready for the world to see me but this closet is not the world I want to be in.

I just need one step towards the direction… A deep inhale… A look out the door… A whisper of love to myself…

The relief feels great but the feeling goes away because no later than 5 minutes, I find myself trapped in the darkness once again.

Maybe one day I’ll find the strength to announce to the world my truth but today I hide in the depths of the shadows.

For all my friends who are trapped in their own closets, you are seen. You are heard. You are loved. One day we will find the light.

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